"let's rearrange, I wish you were a stranger I could disengage, just say that we agree and then never change..."

Currently Listening to:
The Fray
- Over My Head (Cable Car)

Hey guys...


So I went out to lunch with my parents today...it was good to get out of the house but after we went to the supermarket and best buy...I got so tired from walking...I couldn't believe how shitty I felt...it like really knocked me out...I just feel so weak---its so weird. I'm still kind of worried about going back and stuff...I have a week to get myself together. Its just annoying because I am not going to be fully better for about a month from now. I just got to hang in there. It is going to take time.

I have been thinking a lot lately about stuff...just random stuff like...What if I went to Arizona over WVU?...weird stuff like that. It's so weird because my life would be so different. I really don't know what my life would be like if I went there over WVU. Its just so strange because I think about it and Arizona was like everything I wanted in a school--it was the closest thing to UCF and I didn't go. I remember that was like the hardest decision to make. I was going crazy lol. I'm so happy I ended up here but it is just weird thinking about it because I went to a school that was pretty much the opposite of what I was looking for. Its just interesting. lol Anyways...I've also been thinking about stuff like...sometimes I feel like I need to change certain things about what I do with my life....such as...I think I need to focus on my school work more and not lay around my room on the computer just doing nothing and procrastinate so much. I guess it is really good that I am not able to go out and drink anymore because I can focus on my work and stuff. I really need to do well...especially now because I have to catch up.

I've been thinking a lot about this too...and I don't want all of you to jump down my throat and tell me that this is towards you...because it isn't toward one person...this is for a lot of people in my life and I don't want you to come to me and say I wrote it about you because it is more then just you....just listen to what I have to say.....so here it is....

I also have strong opinions on things and I get really frustrated when sometimes people disagree with me and I mean...I dont want to say I want people to change there views on things but I feel like some people are very closed minded and they dont see things the way I see it and I just feel that some people need to open up there mind and realize---things would be a lot more normal if they just saw things differently. I know I can't change peoples views because I want them to but I feel people around me need to change there attitudes toward things because sometimes we each live in our own bubble and dont realize what is out there and that there is more to life then just urself. I know I might sound stupid saying I think people should change but the situations I am thinking about...it makes sense...some people are very childish when it comes to certain things...and they need to step up...once your in college...its real life...no more stupid drama...its real life drama---well that depends on who it is...cuz a lot of people bring that high school shit with them...OK--we all do but...once you get to a point in your life where you finally realize that life isnt a competition, life isnt about impressing others or making yourself feel better about yourself...its about living your life and being able to live it in a sense of reality. You can have fun and be "immature" or "childish" at times...but there is a point that comes across where you need to be "mature" and be able to live your life and get a reality check....not everyone understands what it is like because we all live a different life.

I feel like some people do things that hurt themselves and they dont even realize. Some people think they should act or look a certain way in order for society or even your own friends to accept you. I hate that. I also think these people like the attention. I hate that. I just wish everyone could be true to themseleves....well you all know me...I dont really hate people...I do dislike people but...I only hate 2 things about people...they are people who lie and people who are immature. And I am not saying I havent lied ever in my life and I'm not saying I have never been immature. But there is a point where you know what is right and what is wrong. Lying is just a part of immaturity...thats why I hate it so much. I guess what I am saying is...I just wish people could see things in a different light...maybe become a stronger indivdual by experiencing this. I guess its just that I see it this way and it bothers me that people in my life are acting this way. I just want them to experience what I have experienced and be able to be a stronger and a more understanding person. It sucks that I want people in my life to change but the truth is...I am changing and I want them to be more open minded and change for the better. Change is hard but it is very good. I think sometimes you need to change in order to experience and see things in a different way. It makes sense to me but I don't know if it does to any of you.

I guess sometimes you just wish everyone could be a certain way and sometimes you hate to see them struggle. It happens and its life...I guess some of us get there before others and we just want them to experience what you have experienced and be able to live a healthier life.

I hope someone got something out of this...or maybe I'm wrong...and I should change?!? I don't know...what do you think? (leave some comments..because you can now lol)

Anyways...check out the band The Fray---they are really good!!

I'm going out for Elissa's Bday dinner 2nite...I get to see some people :) lol

later guys
- Justin


gt...happy 21st bday ryan!!

p.s. I miss everyone!!!